Having low self esteem is in fact very common. If we are feeling down on ourselves, it is easy to slide into thinking that we are alone in our thoughts. The roots of low self esteem are self doubt and often, fear. If low self esteem is plaguing you, and you sense the roots of fear and self doubt, you may be seeking ways to move out of these states and reach your true capabilities.
As women, we tend to harbor these traits more so than our male counterparts. We are bombarded with advertisements and other subliminal messaging that we should be doing more and trying harder to please. These traits can develop in childhood and either exacerbate or diminish with time.
Check out these tips to release fear and self doubt, boost your self esteem and trust yourself more:
Get Clear – Get the Facts
Your fears and your doubts don’t necessarily reflect the truth. Most times, they mirror your fears and emotional struggles. Think about your achievements and how hard you worked to get where you are today. Be proud of yourself and admire your capabilities.
Whenever you’re sitting in fear and doubt, get your facts straight. Study the issue in question, weigh the pros and cons and talk to people that you trust.
Acknowledge What Your Strengths Are
Make a list of things you excel in. Write down your skills and accomplishments. For some ideas on how to use a journal to help you process things, please see my post on journaling for deeper self understanding.
Accept praise from others gracefully and acknowledge your talents. Celebrate your strengths every single day. Make positive affirmations and remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Try not to let your thoughts flow toward what you could have done better. Once you land in that mud pile, it can be hard to dig yourself out.
How Are You With Self Love & Acceptance?
Fear is natural to the human condition, just as self-doubt is part of being human. They are not ‘bad’ conditions that must be banished from our minds and our lives. You can work to embrace them – and this takes self love. A healthy relationship with your own mind, heart and soul offers you a strong dose of self love and acceptance. With these, you may find that you make better decisions, and take your time in doing so. Self love and self acceptance will guide your actions and save you from making costly mistakes.
Call Upon Your Friends, Family and Allies
When you need to be talked out of a rut, make sure you reach out to those you know that you can trust and will offer you support. Don’t feel any shame about reaching out for a chat – remember, we all have fears and doubts. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence and self-esteem. You might never get rid of fears and doubts, but you can stop them from running the show by talking with others and keeping them at bay.
Sometimes we recognize fear for what it is, but can’t seem to get over the hurdle anyway. That’s the right time to call in some reinforcements. Get in touch with a friend, colleague or family member who is totally on board with your goal. Go for a coffee or glass of wine and chat about your thoughts and feelings. Use them as a sounding board, ask their advice or straight up request a pep talk!
The people that love you also have great faith in you, so you don’t need to worry about being embarrassed to tell them that fear has you in a paralyzing grip. They will support you through each step you take; sometimes all we need is to hear a person we love and admire tell us it will be all right.
Speaking of Allies … Choose Your Friends Wisely
Chronically negative people can drag you down and weaken your self-esteem. Sometimes it can seem as though nothing will ever be good enough for them. That’s why it’s so important, when you are down and out, to surround yourself with positive people who support you and listen to you instead of judging. And if they have a history of dishing out good advice, then that’s a definite bonus!
Get Clear On Your Personal Values
Define your personal values – the values you live by daily. What do you stand for, and what will you not put up with? Where do your personal boundaries lie? What are the things that drive you to accomplish what you do each day? Once you establish these, you will have a more realistic perspective of your current situation. Narrow in on the things that propel your actions and are at the heart of your beliefs.
Overcoming fear and self-doubt can be a lifelong process. Try to stop questioning your personal decisions. Over-analyzing is a sheer waste of time – trust the actions you choose to take and put your plans in motion. Strengthening your intuition is an excellent way to learn to stop over-analyzing. I’ve written a post on how to strengthen your intuition here.
How to Keep Moving When You Feel Frozen With Fear
Fear is a perfectly natural and normal emotion. Fear can be helpful at times because it makes you aware of risks, keeps you alert, all while improving your mental focus. That said, fear in excess may have just the opposite effect. The trick here is to ensure you are not allowing your fear to overrun your decisions and therefore, your actions.
There Are More Than Fifty Shades of Fear…
Although there are many people would try to tell us things are cut and dry or black and white … nothing really is. Fear itself can take many forms, from mild anxiety to full on overthinking ourselves into a frozen or debilitating state. As mentioned above, fear can protect you from danger and help to cease impulse behaviors. Fear also has a close relationship to your gut instinct, and this improves your decision making abilities.
If you let your fear take over it can not only cause stress, but exacerbate it. Stress causes all kinds of illnesses, and these can keep you from accomplishing the things you are working toward. If your fears are not at this point stopping you from reaching your goals or getting through your day in a healthy way, you can try this method from Psychology Today.
If your fear and self doubt are not causing you debilitating health issues, then it is worthwhile to step forward and plunge into creating your dreams. Take the risks, and when you move past your comfort zones your self esteem will be given a magnificent boost!
Ideas for Moving Beyond Your Fear & Self Doubts
Do you think it’s possible to make fear and self doubt your allies?
Visualize yourself obtaining your dreams, whatever they may be. Imagine what your worst-case scenario would be. What steps can you take right now to be prepared for this potential circumstance? Bring yourself back to the facts, and clear from your mind any assumptions. Contrary to the worst case scenario, what is the best case scenario?
Gather your energy as much as you can, and begin to pour it into creating your best case scenario. One approach to working this way is to use your fear as a navigation tool. Assess your inner fears and seek possible solutions.
Have you read The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown? This is a wonderful book that guides you through processes of cultivating authenticity, self compassion, and creativity. It is also available as an audio book – I mention this because these days, I find myself listening to audio more often than flipping the pages of a book.
Remember – Fear & Self Doubt Are Not Permanent
Fear is incredibly real. When you consciously take steps to clear the cobwebs and doubts from your mind and heart, you will be all the more ready to make your dreams into reality. Once you have this process down to a fine science, each consecutive step will feel that much easier. There will be times of feeling as though you are taking one step forward, two steps back … but this is a natural part of the process. As your self esteem and confidence continue to grow, it will become second nature to pull yourself out of any ruts. I love using gemstones and crystals for energetic and physical support. This Transformation Bracelet is made with Hematite, Amethyst, Onyx and Obsidian and was designed to dissolve and transform unwanted energy.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
– Martin Luther King Jr.
We’ve all heard Newton’s 1st Law of Motion: A body at rest tends to stay at rest, while a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Notice that feeling of fear, and then take that first small step in spite of it. You will feel amazing after you’ve done that one little thing. You’ll realize that you can do it, and you’ll be excited to take that next step. Fear will be replaced by enthusiasm!
Know That You Are Not Alone!
Every single person on this planet experiences self doubt (especially prior to trying something new). Everyone has experienced fear of failure, the fear of looking like a fool, the fear of losing friends when you become too famous, too wealthy, too thin, or whatever. When a moment of panic comes over you, remind yourself that you have been through this before and can move through it again. Take deep breaths, grab your journal to clear your mind, and call upon your allies. Use your tools of self confidence and creativity. They’re your superpowers. You’ve got this!
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