I am a firm believer in expressing one’s emotions. There is way too much stigma placed upon emotions, and judgment then follows as to whether an emotion is ‘safe’, or if it is ‘negative’. Emotions are an electro-chemical event, and if we don’t allow them to move through us, this charge can build up and cause us problems later on.
Let’s take a look at anger, and how to express it in a healthy way. But before we do this, let’s look at ways we can get to the source of what is causing the anger in the first place. In many instances, anger is born out of an unconscious fear we may be harbouring. As you move through your day, take note of how you relate to the people you encounter and share your day with.
What stands out for you regarding your responses and reactions? Are there certain places or people that make you feel on edge? Simply take notice… awareness is everything. Do you find that you are edgy or tense? Are you rushed and overwhelmed? Perhaps you have little to zero patience in general. Try not to judge your observations.
Once you become aware and identify what’s causing you to feel anger, you can begin to take steps toward creating a solution.
Once you become aware and identify what’s causing you to feel anger, you can begin to take steps toward creating a solution. Click To Tweet
Take into consideration these possible reasons for harbouring anger…
Perhaps you are unhappy or unsettled with your current life situation:
Ask yourself the hard questions. Do you feel you are living the life you truly want to? Do you feel that the details of your life are vastly different (and perhaps disappointing) from what you had envisioned? Things don’t always turn out the way we hope or plan for them to, but it is always within our power to get clear and change course.
- Create a plan – today – to change just one thing that is important to you. Follow your plan. Then repeat, for just one thing at a time.
Maybe you are unhappy in your marriage/relationship:
Do you feel that you and your partner aren’t communicating lately? Maybe you are arguing, maybe you are wanting different things. One of you may have “checked out” of the relationship… emotionally. Sometimes when we’re uncertain of how to make things better we simply get angry.
- Give yourself permission to take the time to sit with the truth of your situation. We can never truly know the outcome, but we can set ourselves free by getting real.
Give yourself permission to take the time to sit with the truth of your situation. We can never truly know the outcome, but we can set ourselves free by getting real. Click To Tweet
Explore the possibility of childhood issues playing a role:
Are you often thinking back to the dysfunction in your family, or how your childhood is effecting your every day life? Maybe your parents took out too much of their own stuff on you, or you and a sibling were caught in a rivalry that influences your relationship today.
- Anger can be triggered by unresolved family-of-origin issues. Face these issues by writing them out, and take a close look at your present day feelings. This will motivate you to heal old wounds.
Did you get to complete the education that you wanted?
What was your biggest dream when you were a student in school? Did ‘life happen’, and now you want to finish your dream education? Perhaps you want to get that diploma or degree, and make a switch in your career. It is never too late.
- Having your dreams and pursuing them is perfectly fine, even if it’s a decade or more later. Toss out any restrictions you have placed upon yourself (or that you believe anyone else has) and make a plan to bring your dream closer to home.
Are you taking care of yourself the way you know you can, and should?
Maybe once upon a time, you worked out a lot more than you do now. This can lead to you not wearing the clothes you want and love to wear, especially if you aren’t feeling at the top of your game. This can also lead to those oh-so-dreaded unhealthy eating habits, when we feel like there’s just no point.
- Be honest – get real with yourself about what’s really going on. Then get down to the nitty gritty and spark your self-confidence by improving your habits.
Maybe you feel like you’ve lost touch with the ‘real you’:
If you’re uncertain about the course your life path is taking, you will feel a bit lost as to how to go about shifting things for the better. Make sure you are showing as much love to yourself as possible, and to the ones in your life that you love.
- Realize you have the power to make all of the changes you want. It’s not easy at first, as you may have talked yourself out of it for a long time. Do your best to take some deep breaths, and shift your mindset.
You could be affected by a trauma that has been inflicted upon you or a loved one:
When trauma occurs, the feelings encountered are generally panic, fear, and sometimes terror. Remember what I said about emotions being an electro-chemical event? Trauma can stick with us for a long while and leave us feeling lost, troubled, and sorrowful.
- It can be incredibly difficult to accept that such a traumatic event could occur. It can make you angry at the world and everyone in it. One way to move forward and begin to heal the trauma is to seek professional help.
Remember, dedicating yourself to working through your anger will eventually set you free of your unhappiness.
Remember too that anger is totally natural. We all feel anger at times, and this is just part of being human. Don’t judge yourself or feel guilty. Learning how to express and deal with your anger is healthy.
Here are a few basic ways that you can express your anger in a healthy way:
1. Take a Moment… and some deep breaths
It’s no secret that taking time to calm down will help keep you from snapping. Take as much time as you need, but also consider removing yourself fully from the situation.
2. Confide in Someone You Trust
Talking to someone you trust is one of the best forms of therapy. Friends and trustworthy third-parties can offer a different outlook and often a fresh perspective. Not to mention, simply chatting about what angers you can diffuse you. Once you feel you have diffused the situation within you, be sure to take steps to move on from the situation.
3. Make Writing in Your Journal a Ritual
I know, I know… I talk a lot about rituals. But in our technological age, where our minds are so easily distracted and swept away on the whims of what others write and post, connecting with ourselves is paramount. Journaling is an instant and effective way to do this. You can say whatever you want in a journal, and it never has to be seen by anyone else! It’s like magic at your fingertips.
Jordan | Read. Eat. Repeat. says
Having a trustworthy friend to confide in is priceless. I also find exercise to be a good way to physically shed some angry emotions in a constructive way. Great post!
Amber says
Writing in a journal has so many benefits! Such a great way to work with through emotions, set goals, and more. I really need to make it a daily habit.
Bella says
THIS is such a great post!!! I love to workout to get my anger away.
Shayla says
This is an excellent post, you covered so much here. I’m saving this to my pinterest boards.
Amber says
So many great things to think about and some amazing tips for dealing with anger! I always try to take a few deep breaths before responding when angry to process and think things through.