Have you ever been hit with grief so deep you weren’t sure how to heal from it? Grief can stick with us for a very long time, and that is perfectly alright. We all have the right to grieve for as long as we need to. But when you are ready, you deserve to be free of it and move on with your life. Grief inevitably hits even the most emotionally stable people.
Tragedy touches us all at some point, it is a part of life and human existence. In the moment of despair, it may seem as though there is absolutely nothing to possibly lift your spirits, but as time goes on, certain coping tools can help you to move forward and heal.
Holding onto past pain may – over time – create serious health risks as well as emotional scarring. Clinging to the past can ultimately change your internal landscape and affect your present reality.
Try to also remember that grief is transformational. Any affliction, hurt or pain you experience shapes the person you are. When you come out the other side of grief, you have overcome trauma. This means you now carry new wisdom out into the world, and this can bring you an inner peace.
Before reaching the point of healing, wisdom and peace, it is necessary to know what steps we can take to get there. How can something you’ve kept inside for so long just be let go? This process is definitely a journey, but it is possible, and the effort is worth it.
What Are You Holding Onto, and Why?
Take note of the things you’re holding inside that you wish to release. Has someone close to you betrayed your trust? Feeling a lack of control over how we are treated is a very difficult emotion to contend with. You can’t control others or force them to acknowledge or apologize for their actions.
When the time is right for you though, you can tell them how you feel. This expression can help you bring personal closure. Getting closure on something that was left open-ended can make a huge difference in letting things go. And if speaking to the person directly is not a possibility, you may wish to speak to a friend or counselor to help you through.
Forgiving the Person Who Hurt You Can Help You Heal.
Grieve the person, and be honest about your feelings to the best of your ability. Grab your journal and write it all out, making sure not to hold anything back. Remember, no one needs to see what you have written if you don’t feel comfortable sharing. As time goes on, and with emotional honesty and diligent process, you may eventually forgive. Don’t feel pressured to forgive quickly though – this is your process and it is your right to take the time you need.
That Said … Don’t Be Afraid to Make the First Move.
Acknowledge that your pain is real and that an eventual positive outcome awaits you. Changing the past is perfectly impossible. But meeting the pain you carry head on and taking steps towards healing it will help you move on. And once you begin to move on, you will recall the beauty of how it feels to have control within your own life.
What Are the Stages of Grief?
It doesn’t matter what tragedy has occurred, grief follows a pattern – a sequence of stages. You may not experience all of these, but it is likely you will experience a few of them.
If you experience any or all of these, let them follow their course to the best of your ability. Once you move through them, you will naturally move on in your own way:
1. Denial. In the initial shock of a tragedy, your first reaction might be to deny that it even happened. At the time it may be the best way for your body to avoid the pain. Depending on what happened, this stage can last from moments to weeks. However, staying at this stage is detrimental since you’re never really facing or accepting what has happened.
2. Guilt. Guilt is usually a part of grief whether or not you even have a reason to feel guilty. When you look to a situation after it occurred, it’s easy to point out the things you “should have done.” Take the time to feel the pain, but make sure you strive beyond this stage as well.
3. Anger. It probably won’t be long before anger sets in. You’ve realized that you have no control and there is nothing you can do to repair the situation. It’s important to feel your anger, but don’t allow yourself to be controlled by it. You don’t want to cause lasting damage to yourself or someone else.
4. Depression. This stage will often last a long time. While you might not feel like talking with friends, it’s an important thing to do when you’re feeling depressed. You may discover a lot of things about yourself during this self-reflective time.
5. When Things Get Better. You’ll soon notice that your life – and outlook upon it – gradually improves. You may not be back to yourself quite yet, but you’re starting to feel better. It’s important to keep your lines of communication open and remember that your loved ones want you to have a long, happy, and healthy life.
6. Acceptance. This is the last stage. This is where you have truly accepted what has passed and you now feel hope for the future. Although things may have changed, your life is starting to feel back to normal.
What to Do When You Feel Stuck…
It’s entirely natural to feel stuck in a certain stage of grief. This is especially true when it comes to depression. The best and only thing to do is to continue putting the work in.
If any of the stages of grief have you feeling debilitated, remember you always have the option of seeking professional help. Grief counselors are able to help you with your personal situation and may be able to offer some simple strategies to help you move forward.
Course of Action for Overcoming Grief
How to Move Towards Acceptance
As difficult as it may be right now, take your best shot at accepting that something has happened to cause you grief. Acceptance doesn’t have to mean being nonchalant about the pain and hurt. As I’ve mentioned, being honest about your emotions will always bring your more clarity during your process.
• You haven’t been given the power to change things that have already occurred, but you can certainly change how you deal with the challenge going forward!
• Dig deep within your soul to find the strength to move on.
• Seek the help of someone disconnected from your circumstance and be open to their approach and point of view.
Embrace the Process of Healing
It’s important to spend time doing things that bring relaxation and eliminate stress so you’re able to cope well as the days go by.
• Spend some time in meditation so you can have a relaxed heart and mind.
• Exercise. Physical activity encourages your body to release endorphins that lift your mood and help you feel better.
• Forgive yourself for whatever responsibility you’ve assumed for the outcome of the situation. Try to accept that life’s happenings are under the guidance of a Greater Being.
Coming back to the very basics can be extremely helpful. I will always remember my grandmothers’ teachings about the importance of getting back to nature and being out on the land. Indigenous mindsets and practices are incredibly potent medicine for difficult times.
Find Your Way Towards Gratitude
This is hands down the most difficult step for most grieving people. Spend some time reflecting on all the blessings that have crossed your path. Realize how much you truly have to be thankful for. Sometimes the blessings far outweigh the tragedies, although you may not presently be conscious of them.
• Make a list of all the positives that you’ve witnessed in your life and in the lives of your loved ones.
• Meditate on those blessings until they become engrained in your conscious thought.
• Try to identify the lesson in the midst of what you’re experiencing and be thankful for it.
Finding peace in the midst of grief will be difficult at the beginning, and there are really no rules for how long you should take to heal. But remember that there’s a season for everything, and this too shall pass. As you practice these strategies and begin to heal, you’ll be able to release your grief so you can find true peace.
Tonya C says
Thanks for sharing this. Holidays are so hard for those who lost loved ones. I hope someone finds comfort from this post.
Kristin says
Great words of wisdom for those struggling with loss!
Kathleen Bunn says
It’s the healing part that I have the most trouble with. I can accept it and be grateful for what I have, but healing after I have been done wrong is so hard.
Amanda Love says
I really needed to read this today. I’m still suffering from grief of my fathers death. Great post here and hope it comforts others.
theshadeofwriting says
sometimes it is so hard to forgive ourselves.
Danielle says
It sure can be – it’s so important to be gentle with ourselves the best we can.