We all have an inner circle of friends – those friends we confide to more than anyone else. Some people might call this their ‘tribe’. We can find ourselves drawn to the same kinds of people over and over again. Are ther times you notice you are encountering problems or unhealthy scenarios repeatedly? Check in with yourself and see why these issues are occurring.
There is much to be said for the relationship between how we spend our time, and who we choose to spend it with. Have you given much thought lately to who you are spending quality time with, and how you are forming your ‘inner circle’?
Here are seven questions you can ask about the people that are closest to you. I have added some notes to these points about how one may choose to bridge the gap. Often we can make a few mindful tweaks in our relationships in order to reach common ground.
Do They Display Integrity?
Take the time to understand and define what integrity means to you, and why it is important. Dishonesty in a relationship is one of the most difficult traits to have to deal with. If a person in your inner circle has been known to lie in the past, it can be difficult to know whether you can believe them.
It is very important to work on developing your intuition, so that you know you aren’t needing to second guess things. Without a strong intuition, we can feel the need to seek outside of ourselves for answers. It can be crazy-making if this happens often.
Bridging the Gap: Take note of any patterns you are noticing. If you want to change your life and invite kind, supportive people into it, you have to be willing to do something different. That means suspending judgment and giving people a chance to show you who they are.
Do You Feel You Can Trust Them?
Let’s be honest – we all have trust issues to varying degrees. Betrayals and disappointments of all kinds are simply a part of life. No matter how big or small, the effects of betrayals can stick around for a long time. Do your best to be gentle with yourself. You need to be able to trust the people in your circle.
Being mindful of what you share with others means taking the time to build mutual trust. Remember, if you express what is sacred to you and someone still betrays you, you have every right to walk away.
Bridging the Gap: Be wary of projecting fears and disappointments onto others. We may convince ourselves that another cannot be trusted, when it is our own worries they are triggering. It’s easy to judge people based on how you think they’ll act or what they’ll say. Take a deep breath and do the hard thing – give someone a chance to prove to you they are trustworthy. You might be pleasantly surprised! You could forge a deeper connection than you imagined possible.
Do Those in Your Inner Circle Inspire You?
When you are called forth to step out of your comfort zone, growth sparks within you. Your best self is going to develop in a place where you’re called to be courageous. Do the people in your inner circle inspire you to move toward your personal goals?
This doesn’t mean that those close to you need to have similar goals. Nor do they need to be interested in the same things. If they inspire you, tune in to what it is about their mentality, habits, quirks that you find inspirational.
Bridging the Gap: If you are interested in starting up a new project, you can benefit from a social media group or a mastermind group. If you join one, you’ll meet people and build connections. You will find others that want to help you reach your goals and see you do well. If you find someone inspirational enough that you feel would make a great mentor, don’t be afraid to ask for a meeting or a chat!
Do They Bring Joy Into Your Life?
This doesn’t mean that each person in your inner circle needs to be positive and joyful all of the time. That is humanly impossible, and not a standard that anyone should be held to. Simply take note of how you feel when you are around someone.
If you feel badly in some way each time you are with them, or even thinking about them, this could be a red flag. Surround yourself with people that you find pleasant (for the most part) to be around.
Bridging the Gap: Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to new people. People who try new things are almost always interested in others doing the same thing. As you build mindful friendships, you will notice new friends come from unusual places and bring joy into your life.
Is There A Balance of Give and Take?
Make sure that the people you spend a lot of time with offer a balance of give and take in the relationship. This doesn’t have to be tangible value, sometimes a listening ear is as valuable as anything. You just want to be sure that you are not always feeling drained when you are with them, or exhausted regularly from spending time with them.
Not everyone is conscious of when they may be draining another’s energy, so it’s always a good idea to check in with yourself if you notice a pattern taking place. If the energy feels off balance in your friendship, take steps to correct the balance for both of your sakes.
Bridging the Gap: Mindful friendships are intentional friendships. You want to fill your time – and your life – with friends that support you and believe in the power of your dreams.
Do They Have a Good Impact On Others in Your Inner Circle?
This may sound cliche (okay, in fact, it will), but your inner circle is only as strong as its weakest link. If one tribe member of your circle tends to butt heads continuously with everyone else, the issue may lie with them. Now this is not always the case, as often times people are targeted within groups (refer back to my notes on projection). People are naturally drawn to those that take the extra time and effort to uplift them.
It is equally as important to take note of the people who find fault with everything and everyone. There are people that – whether consciously or not – push others away out of uncertainty or insecurity. It is worthy to be wary of any pack mentality that could be brewing.
Bridging the Gap: One of the biggest mistakes you can make when meeting new people or trying something new is to spend the whole time in your head. Focus on reaching out to other people around you, especially if you feel something is amiss.
Are They Invested in Their Own Well-Being?
To be cliche yet again – if you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything. Again, it goes against human nature to be absolutely healthy and on top of our game all the time. But it’s important to be aware of any changes that need making, and if our health is suffering, we must take care of ourselves first.
As with any healthy relationship, we take care of each other as we would take care of ourselves. This includes taking a time out from tasks, activities, situations and people when we need to – minus the guilt.
Bridging the Gap: To grow healthy friendships and relationships, be mindful about labeling others. There are plenty of people running around with buzzwords (such as calling others “toxic”, etc.), and using these words on others in order to position themselves away from them. We are all on this human journey, and though we need to establish our boundaries, we also need to practice compassion and kindness.
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